Day 6 & 7

May I just say, Joel's message this weekend was awesome, and if you didn't get a chance to attend, take an hour of your day (while you work out?) and have a listen.
http://www.willamettechurch.com/media/listen-to-services/

It got me thinking a lot about what stops me from being a loving person. On Friday, I had construction workers in my home. Suffice it to say, I was less than loving. In retrospect, I think what stops me from acting in a loving way towards others is focusing on my own needs. I needed to feel like I had a place where I could study, eat, and sleep that wasn't invaded by strangers. I didn't have that, and I developed a less-than-loving attitude because of it.
It goes so much farther than that as well. Sure, we can be distracted to think of ourselves when our time is wasted, or we are not treated 'fairly', but I think the heart of love and relationships is even deeper. I think our own need to be loved and accepted can sometimes stop us from pursuing relationships that reach a meaningful level. If you are afraid to be rejected or judged, it can sometimes paralyze you in an attempt to begin (or restore) a relationship.

That is why loving your neighbor as yourself is the second command. Though equally important, we must first understand God's love for us. When we are confident and at peace in God's love for us, we are able to set aside our own needs (which we no longer need to fight for - we know that God fights for us) and focus on the needs of the person in front of us. Even better, when we are truly content that God's love is enough, the happiness and peace it brings helps us to love others naturally.

There is a second reason that recognizing our own needs is important, and I think it gets overlooked a lot. Christ came down in human form not to have His own needs met, but to show that He understands ours, and He is our model. Within each of us lies a heart that longs to be loved and understood by others. Instead of focusing on fulfilling our own needs (as Joel put it, having a 'happy life') we can recognize that they are indicators of what is going on in the hearts of everyone around us. The parable of your own heart's desires is really an illustration of the wants and needs of hearts around the world.

Day...4...aaaand 5

Funny things happen to you when you're a woman. Sometimes, when I get really angry, I'm not physically strong enough to hit/break/destroy something to the point where my tension is released. So then you end up crying, because there is nothing else to do.

I love how men just don't understand that :)

I hate not being strong enough. We want to be independent, self-sufficient and completely capable on our own. I am young, healthy, intelligent - why am I not strong enough???? Which begs the question - why does God give us weaknesses?

Today's reading (alright, and yesterday's...you caught me...) was about loving God with all your soul, mind, and strength. It seems like such a daunting task. Trying to live your life normally and remembering to think about how good, and right, and admirable God is all day. Talk about tiring-and what did we just talk about? Being honest? Honestly - it's not likely we'll be able to do it.

You've heard it before - God gives us impossible tasks so that we can see His power through us. I like the way my sister put it in a comment a few days back - we start to see God's personality when we let Him work in our lives. It's so true, and the great part is, all it takes is faith.
I used to get so caught up in 'letting God work in me' and working day and night to follow all the rules, and make sure I was looking for every opportunity. God doesn't flow like that. He's more like a body of water - obstacles and opportunities are here and there, but we keep moving around them when we just let the current do the pushing. We have weaknesses so we can practice faith, and experience the current of God.

Enjoy the sunshine today, and take a float on the river :)

Day 3

How many times have you heard in a sermon that God is your best friend?
How many times have you not really felt like you grasp that concept?
In theory, you get it. He listens, He gave everything for me, He is always there. You know, 'best friend' things.
Yet how often do you really feel that best-friend feeling?
The answer will be different for everyone, but I have found my ability to understand God as a friend is directly connected to the intimacy of my prayer life. I've never been great at real 'prayer life'. Spending specific chunks of time talking to God, making lists of things to talk about, petitioning for this or that. I got over feeling guilty about that a long time ago, because I would rather figure out how prayer works for me than struggle through a structure I clearly wasn't created for.
When I see something that reminds me of God, I'll talk to Him. If I haven't seen anything that reminds me of Him in awhile, I'll tell Him. If I feel like He's had no part of my life for the last 3 days, I don't feign excuses or false guilt, I tell Him exactly how I feel about every situation. Honesty honesty honesty, and always a willingness to move forward.
In the end, there is no point at pretending like the feelings of your heart aren't there - especially when dealing with God. The wonderful thing you will discover is that a friend understands even your worst (but honest) feelings - and loves you through them.
Even better? God is WAY better at fixing stuff than most of our other friends :)

*sigh* back to homework. <3>

Day 2

The Attraction of Lesser Things

I remember an evening in May of my Senior year. It was the ‘awards ceremony’ for all of the seniors who had accomplished…I don’t know, something worthy of an award. I can’t remember if I got one or two, probably one, but I remember getting upset because my fellow IB classmates were leaving with six or seven different awards. Clubs, sports, choirs, ASB – things I hadn’t participated (or at least excelled) in. I remember feeling like I had wasted four years of my life, because I hadn’t stretched myself to the absolute limit. I hadn’t taken advantage of every opportunity, and used the skills given to me to their utmost.

I also remember an evening in Mexico, my sophomore year of high school. Our leader, Dennis, looked at and us and told us that every minute of our day goes into a bank. At the end of our lives, we get to cash in the minutes that mattered – the ones where we spent our times wisely, and on things that mattered. But every hour of TV, or extra sleep, or what-have-you, would be lost forever. Time we could never get back. Time, essentially, wasted.

I can’t tell you how these thoughts haunt me sometimes. I think we all wonder whether or not we are doing enough. Am I living to my full potential? Do I ‘participate’ enough? Do I give enough of my time? I worry about these things. I worry about what other people will think of me when they see how my life looks ‘on paper’.

“God does not demand of me that I accomplish great things. He does demand of me that I strive for excellence in my relationships” (37)

It takes faith to let go of worrying about what your life looks like on paper.

Have you ever been walking along, thinking to yourself, and realized how absolutely ridiculous your face must look at that moment? Sometimes I accidentally say something out loud, I must look so dumb, but I am absolutely involved in wherever my thoughts are at the moment.

Wouldn’t it be great if that’s how it was with relationships, and how we spend our time? We get so involved listening to someone’s story, or helping them with something, that we don’t even realized how the people around us must see us. It doesn’t even cross our minds.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could stop crossing our own minds?

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

In this life, we cannot do great things
We can only do small things, with great love.
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,
has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love
Without getting tired.
~ Mother Teresa ~

Day 1

I was going to write a big long thing about how blogging in general is narcissistic, and attempt to justify why I am starting one now. Yet, as I think about the reason that I am starting it, I think I am going to let my story tell itself along the way.

Feel free to ask questions.

Day 1: Nothing is More Important than Relationships

When I left Biola, it was partially because I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that it wasn’t going to teach me what I wanted to know. Ironic, I know, but I didn’t think that a bible school could teach me about the true nature of God. There were too many books, life stories, questions, ministries, projects and sermons getting in the way of a vibrant God who was moving so much faster than we had the time to see. I wanted to know the heart of God outside of the programs people told me would help me find Him. Much like a young student gets the urge to travel, I was tired of looking at pictures of God – I wanted to breathe the air, walk the streets, and explore God like a very alive and ever-changing city.

Three years later, I have found one thing. Love. In every direction. I cannot even begin to tell you how beautiful the world looks when you realized that each and every person was created with so much love.

It is the one thing that unites us, it is the one thing we all believe in, and all desperately want.

As far as I have experienced, love is in everything my God does, and it is everything He is about.

Indiscriminate, lasting, boundless love.

This is what I have learned while in college. Sure, I could talk to you about some other stuff too, but nothing else really matters. I’ll forget most of what I’ve written on tests and in papers. Love is the one thing I can’t forget. Love is the one thing that I can learn about and grow with until my dying day.

Which brings me to the title of my blog. In 9 months I will walk across a stage, and “graduate” from this period of my life. Don’t get me wrong – I could not be more thrilled. Yet, I wonder what I’m really graduating from? Life is the same no matter what your job, where you live, or whether or not you happen to be in school. Life is about love, and relationships.

Nothing is more important than relationships.